"I hate you Mom!" Yesterday my littlest one was having a meltdown. I thought he might need some extra mommy time, so I took him upstairs and read him a story and tried to get him to rest with me for 10 minutes, quiet and still. But he screamed at me, threw things, kicked and hollared and said he hated me,….. for an hour. Finally, I told him I was going to go make dinner and he could come down in 10 minutes. He stopped crying and said through tear stained eyes, “NO mommy, stay, I want to rest with you!” And with that he curled right up in my arms and fell asleep. I have heard “I hate you” from each of my 4 kids at some time in their lives. I reply by saying, “I know you don’t mean that.” Or I say, “but I love YOU.” or just , “Ok, but you still need to do what I asked you to do” I try to brush it off. But deep down I want to cry, every time. How can they know how much, at that very moment, I am sacrificing for them. How can they know that it would be SOOO much easier for me to just do the chore than to teach and train and wait and correct as they learn to do it. How can they understand that? They can’t, so I try to stay quiet and keep guiding them and hope that someday, they will understand that what I have done for them was all in love. I wonder if Jesus felt that way when he stood in the high priests home for a trial. The priest was a man who had given himself to the teachings of God’s word, who was convinced putting Jesus to death was what God would want. Jesus was silent before his accusers. He said nothing when they mocked him, beat him and when he was brought before Pilate. The soldiers put a robe on him and a crown of stinging thorns. They mocked him by pretending to worship him. I am sure God was familiar with that scene. But here’s the picture of self restraint here…..like he says in the garden to his disciples who wanted to get billigerant… “Don’t you realize that I could ask my Father for thousands of angels to protect us, and He would send them instantly? But if I did, how would the scriptures be fulfilled that describe what must happen now?” Matthew 26:53 He could have sent a bolt of lightning, but He kept his mind on the purpose ahead. He had to keep thinking about WHY He was doing what He was doing, Why it was worth it. That is how He can say, in Luke 23:34 “Father forgive them, for they don’t know what they are doing.” As the soldiers made a game of His crucifiction by gambling for His clothing, little did they know that they were gambling on their very souls! He knew how foolish and selfish they were being. So he asks God to forgive their ignorance. God, thank you for your forgiveness when I am being rebellious and selfish,. Thank you that you give me grace, and that you died on that cross, that you restrained from punishing all of us humans for our hatred of you, so that we could see your great love for us. You know that when I look at you through swollen eyes and fists raised high and scream that “I hate you,” what I really mean is, I dont understand and I don’t like what’s happening. You know that after I have stopped screaming I will lay my head down back on your chest and rest in the safety of your love. - Deborah King |
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AuthorDeborah King, ARTIST! Categories
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February 2024
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